There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
