All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
