He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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