I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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