Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
