Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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