i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
