He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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