I skipped work to stalk him.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
