Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
