I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I supernannyed him into submission
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
