UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
