drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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