turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
