i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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