What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
