Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
