just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
