70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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