Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
