I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
