oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
