I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
