They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
