Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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