and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
