you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i came on her dog
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
