He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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