it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
did i just pee glitter
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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