you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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