ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
