I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
