So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
