I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
