i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
