is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
