you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can I color on your dick again?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
whose parrot is this?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
