Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
