so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
