Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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