Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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