Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
