Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
