Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
