mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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