there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
