Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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