Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
