i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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