I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
