I will die if light touches me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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