i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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