When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
