youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish you could order shots online.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
