Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
