We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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