i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
