her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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