so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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