sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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