she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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