Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
