I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
