So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
