i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
