I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
