He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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