I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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