do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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