I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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