I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
