I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
