whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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