i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
