I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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