THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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