Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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