At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
