So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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