hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
